Sunday, February 03, 2013

I Promise I'm Not Complaining

I've been cold for a few weeks now, maybe longer. I don't like being cold. My toes and finger hurt when they are cold and take a really long time to warm up. Sometimes this gives me shooting pains up my legs and down my arms. When I get so cold that my nose gets cold (yes, right now my nose is cold) I typically end up with a head ache. And once I get a headache I have a heckuva time shaking it.

I should expect to be cold in winter I suppose. Temperatures drop in winter; especially at night. The house always takes a while to warm up. Since we don't have a heater I sometimes resort to warming my hands over the stove or planting myself in front of  a sunny window. The weather isn't really the problem though. It has been in the 70's, nights usually stay in the mid 60's. If I were in Washington this would be summer. No the weather is not to blame for me being so cold.

This is where Dave would teasingly interject, "It's because you're cold-hearted." Well, I don't think I am really cold hearted but he may be onto something. I think the problem, me being cold, has more to do with me than the weather.

You see, I've been here in Hawaii for just over 18 months now and I think I have acclimated. When we first got here I was always hot and sweaty. Going to church or the grocery store were a reprieve from my un-airconditioned home and work environments. There were many times I felt so uncomfortable and miserable. I couldn't sleep at night because I was too hot. I wished I could teach classes in a swim suit instead of in slacks and a blouse. Now I wear layers to church, the grocery store, work and even around the house. I've been wearing socks and I've been sleeping under my down comforter again. The weather hasn't really changed. I have.

But I also haven't. My personal temperature regulation system has adjusted but my purchasing habits have not. I am cold but have I bought myself any pants, sweatshirts or closed toed shoes? No. Do I have any long sleeved shirts? No. Do I have plans to get a coat? No. Do I like being cold? No. Do my actions say otherwise?

Yes.

This has got me thinking about change, about habits, and about discomfort that I cause myself by not adjusting my habits. I long to be warm and comfortable. I complain about being cold. But I still don't get myself a sweatshirt--and it's not because I'm worried about spending the money. I honestly haven't thought while at the store, "I need to get myself a sweatshirt." I haven't even thought about it at home, even when I've been freezing (relative term, I know). I've been totally overlooking the obvious change that needed to happen--the change I needed to MAKE happen--blaming the weather instead. That will change! Next time I'm in town I'm buying pants and sweater.

In the meantime I wonder what else I'm "blaming the weather" for that I should be making happen.

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