Monday, August 01, 2011

Back to School

It has always bothered me to hear mothers say that they couldn't wait for the kids to go back to school.  Sometimes it was just a whisper between friends and others it was a pronouncement to the world and the kids themselves.  Either way it made me cringe and feel a little sorry for those children.  Did their mother not love them? Were the kids that bad?  Were there unresolved issues? Selfishness? Lack of discipline? I--and I'm sorry to admit it--always assumed the worst in that family when I heard the phrase, "I can't wait until the kids go back to school."

I have always felt the exact opposite.  I don't ever want the kids to go back.  I love having them around all the time.  I love having the freedom to do what we want when we want to do it.   I love being able to sleep in and not have to get everyone up and out the door too early. I love doing all the fun summertime activities.  I love having the kids around to do extra chores for me.  And, in Washington, it seemed summer weather had always just begun when the kids had to get back to school.  I hated sending them off knowing that we could be having more fun at the lake or on a road trip or even just in our own backyard.

I have always felt that way until this year. This year I shyly admit: I have been looking forward to my kids going back to school. I was feeling really guilty about this at first.  I had always assumed the worst in others when they uttered the phrase and so assumed the worst in myself as well.  Was I a bad mother?  Did I not love my kids? Was I doing something wrong?  I loved my kids as much as I ever have, I know I'm a good mom and that my kids are good kids, we had no issues to work out. What was wrong with me?

 This morning as I watched the kids ride away on their bikes my heart fell into my stomach, my mouth went dry and I started to miss them the same as I do every year and then it hit me: I didn't want to send the kids to school to get rid of them. I didn't want the KIDS TO GO back to school. I wanted the Kids to go BACK TO SCHOOL.  I wanted things back to a regular program.  I wanted normalcy. I was craving the security that a schedule might offer in this insecure new environment that we are still learning to live in. I wanted the kids to meet friends and have activities to be involved in and things to keep them busy even though I really would rather have them here with me. And I think THAT is what those other mother's were saying too and I never really understood.  I get it now.

Afton and Cora posing on the back porch.  

Kirkham couldn't be bothered with pictures.  He was too anxious to get over to the  round-about in front of the  Temple to meet his buddies. From there they will ride to school together.

Heath couldn't be bothered with pictures either.  Stinker!
OK, OK, so a little part of me also wanted some peace and quiet and some time to myself, but I've decided that's OK too.

1 comment:

  1. I'll still take Summer days over school days anytime! I hate having to follow someone else's schedule and feeling like I never get to see my kids. I can understand what you mean, though. I hope you can settle in and be comfortable soon!

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