I am hoping that I will soon wake up from a very bad dream. I am hoping that I am imagining this and that it really isn't happening. I am hoping that my sister and the coupon forums are lying to me in a vast conspiracy to quell my coupon savings. It can't be! Please say it ain't so--
But alas it is true, as of March 18th Albertsons will no longer be accepting competitor coupons. Oh, they have cut me deep. I have been so loyal, I have told so many people to shop Albertsons. I WAS THEIR NUMBER ONE FAN AND THIS IS HOW THEY TREAT ME?! They can't treat me like this. I'll show them to trifle with my grocery budget, they don't know who they're messing with. I'll sabotage them--I'll never go back--I'll tell everyone to stop shopping there. They'll see. They'll be sorry!
Please Albertsons, please reconsider. You don't want to lose me as a customer. I can guarantee you a steady stream of money, $200 bucks at least, every month. How 'bout I up my budget a bit, I was thinking about doing it anyways. What if I spent $60 a week, maybe $75. Yeah, I could do $75. I will do $75 a week--that's $300 a month you'll be throwing out the window if you take away those competitor coupons. Now, you don't want to do that do you? We can get through this together, you don't have to go to extremes. Please don't do this to me.
How could you do this to me Albertsons. You've taken away all the meaning from my weekly grocery planning. You've left me heartbroken. I don't know what I'll do without competitor coupons. I feel so lost, so lonely. Nobody understands, you certainly don't. If you did you wouldn't do this. You leave me no choice, my shopping days are over, I might as well give up. There is no way I can feed my family anymore. No more, I am finished. I am useless.
I have not yet reached this final stage. I can not yet accept this grave tragedy. I hear that Albertsons will be offering some great double coupons and more savings programs but until I actually see them I remain unconvinced. In the mean time, consider this your starting gun for a mad dash to the end of competitor coupons. Do your best this next week. Enjoy it while you've got it because the finish line is drawing near.